I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Randomize
