some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
