what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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