if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
