Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
