farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
