Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I said "one day" and that day is not today
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
