I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
