dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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