dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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