Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
