I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
