I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
