he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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