why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
