no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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