Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
