I forgot how hot balto sounded
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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