well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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