he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
