Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I have so many feelings about this burrito
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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