Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
