You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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