I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
