I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she looked like the before picture.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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