You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
