how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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