a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
