her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
organizing the empties. That sober.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
