i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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