It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
