My pussy is not your playground.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
where are my eyebrows?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
