i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
