i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
