i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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