I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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