drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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