woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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