Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
my being single is dangerous.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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