You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I didn't notice because vodka
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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