Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
