I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
