batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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