i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
