I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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