He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
