here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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