we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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