this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
