How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
